Every week, prognosticators of all rank and file try to match their wits against the knowns and the unknowns of sport. They factor in records, injuries, team spirit, little black books, bromances, and et cetera errata to try and suss out who will be able to say, “Today was a great day!” And literally every week, there’s some game on paper that seems a cinch but doesn’t quite turn out as people expected.
This week dished up bookends of those. First, who knew the mighty Super Bowl champions had fallen so far so fast? Simple answer: no one. Second, who woulda thought a team even as streaky at times as the Cardinals would match the known record for turnovers in a single game. It’s why they need to figure out the salary cap and free agency before the NFL becomes the mess that other sports have become: Parity.
The Takeaways
- Seattle really is that bad. No, really. How bad? Holmgrem is talking with Cleveland. That’s how bad.
- Every running back in the Cardinal core fumbled in the game. Unbelievable.
- Teams like the Giants and Steelers look like they will be cooling their heels in Feb. But not anywhere near a pool in Miami. Unless they buy a ticket.
- Romo in December, 5 -8. Jerry Jones should invest more in his team training and less in his stadium.
The Keepers
- Rivers in December, 16 – 0. The Wall Street Journal is writing about my Chargers. Egad!
- Manning, any time, any station, any coach.
- New Orleans with home field advantage…something to be feared. Consider the tide rising in New Orleans, guys. But in their favor.
The Things that make you go Hmmmmm….
- A lot was made during the CBS broadcast of the Bengals versus the Vikings about what OchoCinco would do in the event he made a touchdown. The broadcasters sat and waited, watching the camera pan as it followed OC as he talked to his coach, his QB, the waterboy…..zzzzzzzzzzz.
- Oakland seemed to be making some progress….and then JaMarcus Russell gets put back in because of an injury to Gradkowski. Umm, yeah, are we seeing the pattern yet guys?
- Still in the hunt and regardless of this season’s ultimate finish, Bill Parcells has once again proven that he is the greatest football mind…EVER. All aspects of the game. Every seat in the office. PERIOD.
And now a quick pick for Thursday night: Jacksonville. I suspect the old guard in Indy will stick to the Rest ‘Em philosophy and piss us all off. I hated it when Dungy was there and I still hate it. Way to loss MR. MO Mentum.
The most popular baby name next year might be Peyton…or Payton. Too interesting and strange that the coach and the quarterback with the close name affiliation would be sitting pretty and discussing options around being undefeated. Whateves! On today’s plate, a ton of delish pigskin offerings making me want to say…Let is Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow…as long as the DirecTV satellite doesn’t get blocked!
Here are the picks:
- Saints over Atlanta: Atlanta is all beat up…and, as always, Who DAT?!
- Seattle over Houston: Meh.
- Indy over Denver: yet another stilted pick….oh wait, doesn’t some guy name Peyton play today??
- Patriots over Carolina: Now that the major problem of the Patriots has been neutralized (Bad Boy!), I think Belichick will sacrifice yet another small farm animal to get his team winning. Question mark this week: Can new papa Brady play hurt in December? Hmmm…..
- Buffalo over KC
- Detroit Rock City over Baltimore: Cue the Chris Berman sound effect, I’m liking some stuff I’m seeing in Michigan.
- Cincy over Minnesota: I’m a believer in guys that change their names to Spanish numeros (but forget and put the space in too).
- Miami over Jacksonville: Dad, try to rest easy on this game. I promise, one of your teams will win.
- Jets over Tampa
- Green Bay over Chicago
- Oakland over Washington: Oh the difference a player makes (and distance from a scandal)!
- Titans over Rams: The question here isn’t who’s going to win, but who’s gonna buy the Rams?
- San Diego…SUPER CHARGERS!
- Philly over Giants
Monday Nite: Arizona over San Fran, 21 – 7.
Now time for finishing up wrapping presents, enjoying pancakes, and pigskin…it’s GAME DAY!
So the NFL is back in action….ok, that’s bending things a bit. It’s Pittsburgh versus Cleveland. Cleveland, after being throroughly trounced early in the game last week against the Super Chargers, showed some life in the last vestiges of the game. I don’t foresee that this time.
Pittsburgh needs to convince everyone they deserve a seat at the Playoffs table.
Pittsburgh 34 – 7 over Cleveland.
It’s Week 13 and no team has a bye this week. And with all the controversy over injuries and the new concussion rules, there’s definitely an air of determination and desperation out there. That’s even before we look at the developing playoff picture. Here’s the picks for this week:
- Chicago over St. Louis
- Cincinnati over Detroit
- Tampa Bay over Carolina
- Oakland over Pittsburgh – Yeah, I might not have all brain cells on deck for this pick but neither did Heinz Ward questioning the toughness of Big Ben.
- New Orleans over Washington – Who DAT?!
- Miami over New England – Just ’cause.
- Atlanta over Philly – The Vick experiment, being what it is for second chances, has brought nothing to the talent/depth on the team. I think the entire Atlanta organization has a lot to still forgive and it won’t be today.
- Indy over Tennessee – Still don’t think the Colts will go undefeated…but not feeling it today. Especially after that dumb Martina McBride song. Please.
- KC over Denver – Um, kinda obvious stilted pick.
- Jacksonville over Houston – Maybe the Gators loss might motivate.
- San Diego
- Dallas over Giants – Great story on Countdown this AM about DeMarcus Ware and his family. Kleenex, please! I’ll share them with Eli.
- San Fran over Seattle – see below about distractions.
- Arizona over Minnesota – Yeah, crazy. Bite me!
Monday Nite: Ravens over Green Bay, 21 – 10. Ravens continue to put the pieces back together. Green Bay has numbers but fewer W’s than the numbers should say. Scratching my head at that.
Now about distractions: This Thursday, the Seahawks GM Tim Ruskell resigned and Holmgren has been talking talking talking. But here are the facts:
- Holmgren was GM at one point, a position he demanded in his move from Green Bay to Seattle. He failed. Miserably.
- Holmgren handpicked Mora and then continued to coach as a lame duck. Um, how Favre of you, Mike.
- There are 5 weeks left in the season and while the Seahawks don’t have a prayer to make the playoffs, there are still games to play, decisions to be made.
All this lends me to hand out my Bad Move award to the Seahawks organization. You don’t make moves like this in the season. You salvage what you can out of the season by assessing your players and your coaches, addressing your greatest areas of need for off-season moves. Again, off-season moves. I see no sense in doing this besides creating a wide open, well-lit runway that Holmgren can see before other failing teams can go big with offers.
My take: Holmgren should’ve let the door hit him on the way out and some one should have locked up. He left the team in a mess, had the worst coach transition ever. Just keep on talking, Mike. Some of us don’t want you back. (As a coach, I must add because I have the utmost respect for the Holmgrens as part of the community.)
Leave it to Lucky Week 13 to throw (up) a Thursday Night game like the Jets versus Buffalo. I’d love to just punt and pick a tie on this one but I’ll honor Belichick and go for it on 4th and 7 on my own 28 yard line and pick the Jets. Now, I’m going to go upstairs and forfeit my winning by pulling my star player with 5 minutes left in the 4th quarter.
See, even I can act like a vaunted NFL mastermind!
BTW: Just curious if anyone thinks Parcells, Cowher, or even Dick Vermeil would pull that shizz. Thoughts?
(Dear Bill, I was trying to help quiet the critics, honest but pulling Brady with so much time left after years of defend running up the score in 4th qtrs??? Sheesh, you got a bridge I can buy for that mularkey?)
And for the record, all those posers who are changing their tune on Norv Turner, I’d like to know how many Super Bowls you think we’re supposed to have had by now with arguably the deepest, most talented team in the NFL for so many years? He doesn’t get a pass until LT gets a ring. After all, that’s what they brought him in to replace Marty for. DO NOT FORGET THAT!
Ok, rant over, play through…..heehee, sorry Tiger!
Do we really need to talk about much besides the spanking that poor ole Belichick and the Pats got handed in the Bayou by Brees and the Saints or the fact that the Pats quit? Maybe the league’s new (and totally overdue) rules on dealing with concussed players? (According to the Mayo Clinic, any concussion has caused damage to the brain. DOH!)
Well, as long as no one crashes their Escalade into a fire hydrant and tree on their way to a booty call, I think we’d be fine focusing on some notes from the week so without any further need for police investigations or press conferences…
What We Liked
- San Diego Super CHARGERS!
- Brees and the Share-That-Lovin-Feelin’ Offense of the Saints
- Jets win. YAY!!!
- TURKEY & Football! YUM!!
What We Still Don’t Like
- Yeah it’s looking like Minnesota wasn’t smoking salmon when they picked up Favre. I know I know, maybe I was wrong here. I’ll wait until January to eat crow.
- Every time I think I can trust Air-zona to just win, they loss and every time I think maybe they’ve lost their sparkle, they win. I Give Up!
- Holmgren back in the GM’s seat in Seattle? You’re kidding, right? Like that worked the first time? Poop sandwich.
What We Want Under Our Tree for Xmas
- Oh, besides a long term contract FOREVER for Mr. Rivers??? Ummmm…..
- A home for Martyball…tired of hearing folks jumping on the Turner bandwagon. A few weeks of decent playcalling with LT and suddenly, he’s a genius. Ppppplttttt!
- Cowher Power back…hmmm, maybe Detroit Rock City?
The Record
9 – 7. Meh. I was recently asked how I looked so far in the year for picks. 60.2%. The last few weeks have chewed me up and spit me out. But it’s still better than flipping a coin. 
Maybe it’s being back from vacation or the stats on undefeated teams or the air of nothing-to-lose that is driving some of my picks today. Thanksgiving was mostly a feast with the except of a Giants team that looked scared, listless, and unprepared for the Broncos searching for revenge. One thing is for sure, the season is barrelling towards a conclusion and full speed ahead.
Pop quiz! What do you do? What do you do?
- Atlanta over Tampa Bay – Turner expected back, it won’t be easy but they should prevail.
- Miami over Buffalo – Has anyone really mentioned T.O. this year? Yeah, that’s how ineffectively the Bills have become when even their rabble rouser has been neutralized.
- Washington over Philly – Some may see this as an upset pick but honestly, Philly is so schizophrenic, I can’t see picking them to go further.
- Seattle over STL – Rinse and repeat.
- Carolina over Jets – Sanchez is already into his sophomore slump.
- Cincy over Cleveland
- Houston over Indy – Upset Alert! Not much to say on this one except I have a hard time seeing Indy go undefeated with all their injuries and lack of depth. Manning is amazing but can only do so much.
- San Diego…..SUPER CHARGERS!
- San Fran over Jacksonville
- Chicago over Minnesota – Upset Alert Numero Dos! Again, I’m not feeling that any team this year will go undefeated. Cutler is a punk but he’s a streaky punk which means some days, he gets hot. Maybe the sun shines on a dog’s ass today.
- Arizona over Tennessee
- Baltimore over Pittsburgh – I probably would’ve picked this even with Big Ben in. With him out, it’s a no brainer.
Monday Nite Showcase
Everyone’s talking Belichick. I’ve never seen him do so many network interviews to talk about something he just doesn’t understand: why his call was crazy. He just doesn’t understand it so please, folks, quite asking him to explain how much hubris about his offense that his built over the years. He’s not going to tell you to your face and the faces of millions that he thinks he’s a brilliant mo-fo, how ’bout you?
The above is both a criticism of him and a defense. I don’t like Belichick. He’s done many unsavory and, IMHO, unsportsmanlike things to win. He’s ego is bigger than the stadium he plays in. But, we all know this about him. And it’s a wonder that folks are harping at him now…after all the other things that have gone on. Find something else, guys, to report on. 4th and inches is so last week.
Besides, I think Drew Brees will give Belichick plenty to ponder over on Monday night…and have nightmares over Tuesday morning.
New Orleans over Patriots, 37 – 21.
It’s almost Thanksgiving and therefore, I’m due a quick post for my pics for that Thanksgiving staple: NFL football. So quickly, before the margaritas run out on my stay in Cancun, here are my holiday picks:
- Green Bay over Detroit
- Dallas over Oakland
- Giants over Denver
And for a quick second, I’d like to gloat about the Chargers amazing grab back of the AFC West lead over the implosive Broncos. Har Har Har…Neener Neener Neener.
Ok, now that I’ve jinxed the rest of the season, I’m good to go!
I start off with a loss this week having picked Carolina to pull it out but I win because I’m going on vacation to somewhere warm and sunny….So without any drama, my picks:
- Indy over Baltimore
- Dallas over Washington
- Detroit Rock City over Cleveland
- San Fran over Green Bay
- Jacksonville over Buffalo
- Pittsburgh over KC
- Seattle over Minnesota – Hey, it’s crazy but you know, I don’t see this team going with just a single loss…let’s rack up another.
- Atlanta over Giants
- New Orleans over Tampa
- Arizona over St Louis
- San Diego…SUPERCHARGERS!!! I’ll be phoning in the love along with a shot of tequila and a lot of Mexi-CANS!!
- New England overs Jets
- Cincy over Oakland
- Philly over Chicago
Monday Nite: Houston 24 Tennesee 3
Hasta!
This cut-off sweatshirt is awfully lonely right now.
Awwww, someone please give Bill Belichick a hug. Now everyone raise your hand that thought the end wouldn’t have been any different given 50 more yards that the Colts would have to have negotiated. (Put you hand down, Bill, we already know your view.) While a thrilling end to the Sunday football day, there were plenty of other things noteworthy this week. Or maybe I should say notorious.
You Knew It Wasn’t Quite Right When
- Michael Turner came out of the game taking some of the sizzle out of Hotlanta’s stride.
- Big Ben got sacked…once…twice…three times…are you kidding? By the Bengals?
You Wished You Could Stop It When
- The Chiefs and the Raiders took the field. Can we just get this season over for those teams?
- What part of Brady Quinn starting again had anyone excited?
You Just Gave Up and Changed the Channel When
- Belichick threw his headset off. Yeah, literally threw the headset. Although admittedly, I watched the postgame interview with Manning and Wayne. Did Manning seem giddy to you?
- Change the channel? Hell, didn’t even bother with the Saints-Rams game. Bla bla bla, Brees brings them back to win. Ok, next!
The Record
9 – 6.
And now I’d like to bask in a moment of sheer celebratory glory as the Broncos drop 3 straight and the Chargers win 4 straight to now share the AFC West lead and prepare for THE GAME of the AFC West season. I’m going to have to find a bar in Cancun that will show the game. Anyone know of any??
Programming Note: All of this week’s picks will be early. As I’ve said, a long overdue vacation is here and Cancun will be hopefully hosting the happiest Charger fan around.
